It isn't always easy to talk about one's friends with complete objectivity. Everyone has their own character flaws, so it always ends up making whoever is to be discussed sound worse in description than they seem in day to day life. Some times there are exceptions to this. Today's topic, for instance, discusses a few of my friends. In this rare exception, the description does their respective characters justice. I'll try to be as straight as I can about it all, but it may be difficult considering that this is a story about how I've come to realize that my social-stuff-like-food friend apparently isn't the person I thought he was and how his girlfriend appears to have played me out.
For this to make sense to any of you, you must understand a few pieces of background information. I will be using name and location substitutions to protect the players from any relationship with this account of what happened (to prevent harassment by potential readers, reputation damage, etc). Anyway, the story starts last year:
My friends Dane and Kate got married after years of courtship. They had a child and moved to Detroit shortly afterward since they both liked it much better there than here. Kate decided she was no longer happy with Dane since he didn't "appreciate" her enough and moved back to her parents' house with their child. Within a week or two of being back another friend of mine, Larry, decided to make his move on her. Within no time, they began dating...secretly at first but later openly. Kate is still married to Dane and all this time has refused any kind of troubleshooting procedures as well as divorce (sorry, I'm an engineer). She also believes she should have full custody of their child despite not being able to (or even trying to) hold a job, but alas that is all another story.
So fast forward to today. Larry and Kate's relationship has been one of those where they break up faster than anyone can keep track of it, probably literally averaging about once every week or two. A few days ago, Kate messaged me on MSN and asked me if I had talked to Larry. I told her no and asked why. She told me a story about how they had got into a fight and he had physically assaulted her. She then tacked on a request for me not to tell Dane about it. I told her that I'd have to think about if I would be morally justified to withhold that information from him since it's kind of a big deal. It's not like she had told me the guy had eaten her sandwich out of the fridge without asking or something. She then told me she understood and rapidly changed the subject.
Now, I didn't think much on this. The next day Dane messaged me that Kate had told him to ask me about the situation. This made my moral decision much easier since I knew it was the right thing to do to tell him and she must have really accepted that I would have to tell him since she herself had told Dane to ask me about it. He wouldn't have known to bring it up unless she had mentioned it after all. Because of all of this, I didn't think twice about sharing the story Kate had told me with Dane. I didn't exaggerate or stretch the story to make it juicier gossip or anything. I just told him the story as she had told it to me. Dane then filled me in on some history that I hadn't yet known: Apparently Larry has made a habit of anger management issues. This is supposedly the third girlfriend he has assaulted in some fashion, and even the same day as the Kate incident he had shoved Dane's father and slashed his car's tire. This is where I begin to realize that Larry is not the person I had thought I had known.
Later that day, Larry got on MSN and started harassing me about having told Dane the story Kate had shared with me. He insisted that she had told me not to tell anyone and that I must not value that. He also claimed that what I had told Dane was inaccurate. He then proceeded to harass me some more about how bad of a "friend" I must be and that what I had done was really wrong and it makes me a bad person. Yadda yadda. I tried to reply (he'd messaged me while I was watching Rambo with my father), but he has ignored me for nearly a day now.
Reflecting on what must have transpired, I realized that one of two things had happened:
1) Larry became really angry and what he messaged to me was inaccurate due to his emotional state.
2) Kate had played me. She understood that I would need to tell Dane and even told him to ask me about it but had told Larry otherwise (that she had demanded I never speak of it).
The first one seems unlikely. The second one makes sense considering the type of person she is. She must have set me up...she wanted Dane to know about it but didn't want to tell him herself so as to spare herself from Larry's inevitable angry response. She then used me as a way to tell him about it and is lying in order to spare herself from any kind of angry response. Instead, he is now pissed off at me.
Some "friends" I have. The first one may very well have a chronic problem with anger management leading to assault among other things. The second played me in order to spare herself from her boyfriend getting angry. If that is the extent to which she respects me, I want nothing more to do with her. Larry, while having been my socializing friend for the better part of a year now, is also not the person I thought I knew. I don't see myself wanting to do much hanging out with him anymore after all of this. Mentally, I need some closure though. I need him to not be mad at me for having done not a damn thing wrong. He doesn't see it that way. The way I see it is perhaps he shouldn't have assaulted her to begin with if he's going to be upset that her husband finds out about it. Of course, I can't hardly expect that to make sense to either of them. They're having a relationship when she is married to another man to begin with.
That reminds me of another fun fragment about Larry from long ago (it's all starting to come together to paint a picture of what he truly is): Once when the three of us were out at a restaurant eating, Kate went to the bathroom. Her child (that she'd had with Dane) was there and began to cry. I didn't know what to do about it, so I asked Larry. Larry had had a child of his own for over a year, but instead of doing something he just ignored the child. He shrugged and said "not my kid". While at the time it disturbed me, I didn't really see it for what it was--a glimpse of his true character. It also makes sense (here's another fragment) considering that I've known for a long time that he lies to me any time it is convenient. If he doesn't want to fulfill a commitment he's made for a meal or such, he makes something up about why he can't go. I've many times caught him in his lie by being able to disprove his story, but I never confronted him about it. I had just accepted that he was going to be a little shitty to me from time to time. I needed him for social interactions like meals and movies since my friends these days are sparse (everyone is away at college and new jobs and what not).
I think I'd have been better off just ditching the pair of them and looking for new friends a long time ago. Now if only that were easy.
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