Depression is a Funny Thing

It's true.  Depression is somewhat of a funny creature.  It's primarily fickle, but it can be humorous as well.  First of all, it's something that I imagine most people don't ever tell anyone about.  Being depressed is like being crazy, and it isn't really that much of a stretch considering that it is in fact a mental unbalance.  So, instead of cluing anyone into the fact that there is a problem, the depressed person just holds onto it.  Maybe they vent about it on a random blog online *looks around* after desperately wanting to tell someone...anyone about it for ages.

Well, here we are.  My last post was about getting over the depression by starting to forget about yearning for the past and instead looking forward.  It is true, too, that I've been successful in doing that to an extent.  The most important thing I've found is that childhood probably doesn't have as precise of an ending as I previously thought.  These days I find myself still watching Nickelodeon shows like Spongebob or iCarly and Jake & Josh.  The first one is fairly normal for people in their 20s I think, and I don't hesitate to mention that I watch it to people.  The second two are a bit tougher to admit, but I don't think it falls into the category of weird.  That's good considering that simply trading passive nostalgia (missing the past) for active nostalgia (being that sad guy in his 50s trying to re-live high school) is probably even less healthy.  I just find the shows enjoyable since they're just like every other sitcom--absurd plots that would never happen in real life and end up with funny rivalries.

Another part is that I'm actually beginning to feel again.  The warmer weather helps here, too.  It has become rather clear that in the years since 2005 I had developed a sort of callous that prevented me from really "feeling" much of anything at all.  There was a phrase that I liked to use from a song periodically to describe how I was feeling:  "I don't really feel anything, anyway"  It's interesting to go back to feeling things after not for so long.  I've began to feel that sense of anxiousness again, and that's a big part of how life always used to be.  The sort of anxiousness I'm referring to isn't so much a negative thing, it's just that feeling that there's something ahead of you at all times even when there isn't a particular plan of something you're waiting for.  It's that sense of future where you know there is something waiting for you even without any idea of what it is yet.  I'm happy to have reclaimed these things without having to resort to active nostalgia.  I wouldn't yet consider myself completely out of the woods, but all the time I can feel myself regaining what life must mean to most people.

It's a good feeling.